“Nothing makes people hate you faster than promising them a steak and serving them a plate of lies.”
GhostSlacker was dangling upside down inside a giant mousetrap.
His crime?
Believing a sign that said:
“Free Pizza for Writers. No Strings Attached.”
“Wonderful. I’ve been kidnapped by a coupon.”
He was trapped inside the World’s Sneakiest Marketing Expo.
Eighty angry writers surrounded him.
Nobody had received pizza.
Instead, a salesman named Randy had spent two hours pitching a $997 writing course.
Randy grabbed his microphone.
“Never reveal the real offer up front! Get their attention first!”
GhostSlacker scratched his belly.
“Buddy, that’s not marketing. That’s lying with better shoes.”
A woman threw her notebook.
Another demanded a refund for her parking.
GhostSlacker pointed at Randy’s giant banner.
“Get Better Hooks in 5 Minutes!”
“Where’s the five-minute fix?”
Randy smiled.
“It’s in lesson 47.”
The crowd went wild.
GhostSlacker opened The Avoidance Alert.
He fed it Randy’s rotten sales trick.
The tool fired back:
“Avoid This Hook Mistake: Don’t Promise Readers a Quick Fix, Then Bury the Answer Under 2,000 Words of Fluff. Give Them the Help They Came For.”
GhostSlacker grinned.
“See? Warn readers what to avoid and tell them why. Simple.”
Randy reluctantly shared one useful writing tip.
The crowd calmed down.
The mousetrap opened.
GhostSlacker landed on his feet.
Then a delivery truck pulled up.
Finally.
Pizza.
The driver opened the back doors.
Inside were 800 empty pizza boxes.
Each contained a coupon.
Free pizza with purchase of our $997 course.
GhostSlacker stared at Randy.
Then at the crowd.
“Congratulations, Randy. You’ve invented a business model that makes people want to eat the owner.”
The writers started advancing.
Randy ran.
GhostSlacker grabbed a folding chair.
“Relax, folks. I’ve got a better offer.”
He smiled.
“Free front-row seats.”
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