“The fastest way to lose a reader?
Make them work harder than a guy trying to eat soup with a fork.”
A furious customer threw a cheeseburger through the drive-through window.
It hit GhostSlacker square in the forehead.
“Great. Lunch just punched me in the face.”
GhostSlacker had stopped at Big Larry’s Burger Shack for fries.
Instead, he found the owner crying into a bucket of pickles.
“I spent $40,000 on ads!” Larry screamed. “Nobody’s buying!”
GhostSlacker peeled a slice of cheese off his eyebrow.
“Maybe stop throwing food at customers?”
Larry showed him the ad.
“Welcome to Big Larry’s, where our long history of fine food and friendly service began with one man’s dream...”
GhostSlacker scrolled.
And scrolled.
And scrolled.
The burger deal was buried 400 words down.
“Buddy, your customers will die of old age before they see the price.”
Larry grabbed his shirt.
“Fix it! I’ll give you free burgers for life!”
GhostSlacker considered the offer.
Then opened The Mistake Magnet.
He fed it the ad and asked it to find the biggest mistake.
The screen flashed:
You’re making people read a mountain of boring stuff before telling them what they want to know.
Then it turned that mistake into a hook for his Hook Miners post:
“Still spending your first 200 words warming up? That’s the mistake making readers leave before they reach your best stuff.”
GhostSlacker grinned.
“See? Point out the mistake they’re already making. Make it hurt a little.”
Larry rewrote his ad.
Orders started pouring in.
Then the kitchen printer caught fire.
Larry screamed, “We’re out of hamburger meat!”
GhostSlacker stared at his free-burger coupon.
“Fantastic. I’ve just become the proud owner of unlimited nothing.”
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