“Some writing mistakes are so bad, even birds know when to leave.”
GhostSlacker was being chased through a cornfield by 900 angry crows.
One had stolen his sunglasses.
Another was pecking his sandwich.
“Great. I’m getting mugged by flying trash cans.”
He had taken a job at Crazy Earl’s Scarecrow Farm.
The pay?
Free corn and unlimited naps in the hay.
His assignment?
Help Earl build a scarecrow that would scare birds away.
Instead, Earl had built three scarecrows holding giant signs.
The first read:
“Welcome to Our Blog!”
The second:
“In Today’s Busy World...”
The third:
“There Are Many Things to Consider...”
GhostSlacker stared at them.
“Earl, these aren’t scarecrows. They’re bad blog openings wearing pants.”
Earl scratched his head.
“What’s wrong with them?”
“Nothing happens. Nothing matters. And nobody cares.”
A crow landed on Earl’s head.
Then another.
Then seventeen more.
GhostSlacker grabbed his laptop and launched The Worst Picks Warning.
He fed it the three awful openings.
The tool spotted the weak patterns and built a warning hook:
“The 3 Worst Ways to Start a Blog Post: Say Nothing, Take Forever, and Sound Like Every Other Writer.”
GhostSlacker smiled.
“See? Show readers the worst choices so they can avoid making the same dumb mistakes.”
Earl nodded.
Then he printed the hook on a giant sign.
The crows stopped attacking.
They gathered around it.
Reading.
One crow squawked.
Another nodded.
GhostSlacker froze.
“Earl?”
“Yeah?”
“Why are the birds reading?”
Earl went pale.
A thousand more crows appeared over the trees.
GhostSlacker slowly closed his laptop.
“Fantastic. I just taught birds how to write better headlines.”
Then one crow opened a Substack account.
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