“A fancy title means nothing when your only writing experience is posting quotes about hard work.”
The judge slammed a rubber chicken against his desk.
“Order in the court!”
GhostSlacker sat in the witness chair, eating cheese crackers from his hoodie pocket.
Across the room stood a writing guru wearing a $4,000 suit.
The man’s crime?
Selling a $997 writing course after publishing exactly three blog posts.
Two were about his cat.
The third was a recipe for toast.
The lawyer pointed at GhostSlacker.
“What makes YOU an expert on writing hooks?”
GhostSlacker scratched his chin.
“Well, I’ve spent years fixing ugly opening lines.”
“Where’s your certificate?”
“Probably under a pizza box.”
“Where’s your degree?”
“Same place.”
The lawyer smiled.
“So you have no proof?”
GhostSlacker reached into his backpack.
He dumped a mountain of old drafts onto the floor.
Paper flew everywhere.
The courtroom smelled like stale coffee and printer dust.
“Years of bad hooks. Rewrites. Failed tests. Stuff I’ve actually done.”
The judge leaned forward.
“Can you turn that experience into something readers care about?”
GhostSlacker opened The Years-in-the-Trenches Frame.
He fed it his years of hands-on writing work.
Out came:
“After years of fixing weak opening lines, I kept finding the same mistake: writers were hiding their best ideas halfway down the page.”
The jury gasped.
One woman grabbed her notebook.
“I do that!”
GhostSlacker shrugged.
“Turns out doing the work gives you better stories than pretending you’re some big-shot expert.”
The judge nodded.
Then the bailiff dragged in a giant box.
“Your Honor, we found the defendant’s next course.”
The label read:
How to Become a Writing Expert in 24 Hours.
GhostSlacker stared at it.
“Perfect. Does it come with a free clown nose?”
The judge opened the box.
Inside were 600 blank certificates.
All bearing GhostSlacker’s signature.
His crackers hit the floor.
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